Do you know, we can never see our face with our own eyes? I was once told of a deep, ancient Eastern definition of love: it’s not romance or hormones or even family. It’s a partnership where you reflect your innermost selves onto each other to see who you truly are with honest eyes.
I cannot speak for men, but I know what makes women happy in their relationships, what makes a woman shine and burn the brightest star in the sky as she dances confidently and joyously when she wakes up everyday even if the skies are grey and dark outside.
It’s having a man by her side who is confident enough of himself, strong enough and generous enough to allow her to be all of her. With that sort of man as your life partner, you never have to dumb down your fire, your femininity, your craziness and even your worst self. Your man embraces all of you, laughs at your craziness and diffuses your temper. He handles you in the way that brings the best out of you, your true Inner Being. You never have to be anything but yourself.
I threw a scalpel at someone a few years ago and it narrowly missed his eye – I am very ashamed and sorry about it, even now. But he had calmly picked up the scalpel, looked at me unflinchingly and said in measured tones, “Don’t ever do that again, Jac.” He did not report me or call the police or made any drama. I respected him tremendously and never did anything so ridiculously childish and dangerous again, though I have never ever been afraid to show him my worst self. If he is still around after almost being blinded, there is not much I can’t show this man. There is not much to frighten him at all.
Same with my children’s father, who had known me since I was a tempestuous teenager. Each year I got better and mellower, without ever compromising who I really am, without fear of being who I really am. He chose me, because he wanted a strong, brave and extraordinary mother for his children. Thus with him, I can be brave because he is braver than I, and crucially he is always behind me, fearless. He taught me and our sons and daughters to be fearless by his example (you can’t teach that any other way, you have to grow your kids’ backbones with the life and examples you give them).
These two strong men are examples of blank canvases that allow you to paint your own life story, your own glorious picture. You don’t have to be perfect for them, you don’t have to censor yourself for them, you are just your abundant self that they love. These men themselves may come at a high reciprocal price but I think they are worth it. Yeah, even if they drive you crazy, as you do them, they are worth it.
Why draw weak lines in pencil when you can paint your life in glorious paint?