Many parents are defensive and wary about sex education for their children. But sex is not just the robotic act that brings about an orgasm, gets one pregnant (or 18 years maintenance payment) and sexually transmitted diseases.

Sex, in its fullest expression, is making love. It is nothing to do with penetration or bodily fluids (except perhaps saliva, though not always). One can have full sex yet feel empty inside because without the intimacy, sex is just mechanics that stimulates the relevant pressure points and bring about meaningless release. No, sex education should not be about the act itself, but the feelings, the responsibility and most importantly, the value one gets from sharing this deeply personal experience with a chosen one. There is too much focus and obsession in the ins-and-outs, but not enough in the real value, real reason, real meaning, for the act. Love and intimacy.

Yet intimacy is something that does not come naturally to everyone.  It has its roots, I think, in the desire to give the deepest part of oneself and also the desire to give pleasure to a loved one. Intimacy is doing something to one’s sexual partner and looking at the expression in his eyes. It is an act borne of the desire to please someone, a willingness to serve and finding joy in the giving. Rather than just take, take, take, fulfilling a biological function.

But many cultures are cold and compartmentalises sex into bedrooms (jump up and have a shower immediately, clean the sheets afterwards). But these are the simple, but so deeply sexual, acts that a couple can engage in without removing any item of clothing:

  1. Workout together – so sexy!
  2. Share a bath.
  3. Read naughty or romantic poetry to each other, looking deeply into each other’s eyes.
  4. Feed each other with juicy food such as figs, grapes, finger food.
  5. Massage with oils.
  6. Send naughty texts in the day – the anticipation!

When intimacy, love, affection and the genuine desire to give come together, that’s when the deep pleasure begins. THIS is what that makes love last, that acts as a shield against boredom and the need for new excitement.

How would we begin teaching our children that contextually? Give, give, give. And be unstinting in your affection. Laugh, be kind, and most of all, show them that love does not hurt ❤