Sometime back, a reader of this blog asked, “Can you make yourself love someone?”

A few years ago, I would have said no.  Love is in the chemistry, yes? You could try, but if the chemistry is not there, it is not there. But ah, is that not lust? The bodice-ripping, zip-popping stuff?

I think lust and love are quite different, and I also think that lust can grow out of deep love. Because when you love someone deeply, you want to touch them, look at their face, watch their expression, please them and share amazing moments with them. In Dutch, it is gezellig, something like the Saturday morning feeling you get when you wake up with your loved one beside you and you have a few heavenly hours to yourselves. It’s really sexy!

As for love, I strongly believe that it is a lifetime construction, not an emotion. Because as we know, emotions come and go like clouds in the sky. Try to catch them to hold on to them and they drift away between your fingers. 

So how do you make yourself love someone?  As for me, I borrowed the eyes of my parents and my close circle of friends to see what I may be missing. Even my old boss waded in with his perspective.


Photo from

I suspended my own sight and saw.  Because as yoga philosophy tells us, our instruments of seeing are often faulty. Thus, relying on the testament of love ones and evidence sometimes serve you better.


This is the dedication that will be in my first children’s book, one that is deeply spiritual:

“He was like a weed – totally unpretty, unbeautiful even – in a garden of gorgeous, showy flowers. But in his 42nd year, the eclipse lasted for many cycles and her world was plunged into darkness. And in this darkness, the ethereal light that illuminated his backbone, the ephemeral wings that lifted his heart towards the sky despite the battering storms and his strong phosphorescing roots which had always held on tight came into their own. In the eclipse, she saw him. At last. And she was dazzled.”

I think, in  conclusion, it is a choice that you make ❤