Each time I hear the popular saying “Karma is a bitch”, I cringe. Perhaps it is because I truly believe that karma is NOT a bitch.  What an awful world it would be, if its wheels turn on revenge.

And no, karma will not come back and bite you in the ass either. At least not what I believe.

From the Sutras, your actions (and inactions) plant seeds.  Good actions (thoughts and words included) are equivalent to good seeds which yield sweet fruits, and bad seeds yield bitter fruits.

But the universe is such a vast place and time is infinite. These fruits will take a long time in coming, perhaps not even this lifetime. So despite the throwaway lines that people often parrot unthinkingly, your deeds (good and back) do not come back at you like a boomerang.

What I find that is more plausible is your thoughts, words and actions create an energy field (in the Higgs field that permeates the whole universe) around you, that ripples and spreads. And the more frequently you think, say and do something, the more the energy becomes tangible.

For example, I knew someone who seemed to have bad luck continuously in his relationships. By the time he was in his late thirties, he had been in eight broken relationships because it seemed that he had been very unlucky in love.  He told the story of his awful exes and the bad things they did to him (it seemed that he was blameless). I thought about him and other people who tell the same story again and again when I saw this:

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It could well be his (bad) karma but I believe it is also down to the reality he creates for himself. Similarly, I have a single girl pal who talks obsessively about the losers she meets though she is very successful professionally….and of course, she’s just going to attract more losers if she sticks to the same script!!!!

“OMG. Stop,” I tell her. “I have heard that same story 20 times from you. Now tell me the story about a good man you have met. Tell me something different!” She opened and shut her mouth, because it was like asking her to describe something that she is unfamiliar with, though in her long line of exes, she has had a few good men in the ranks. She just doesn’t know how to see that because she is so wrapped up in her story.

And this is why I do not encourage my children to go on and on about any misfortune. We talk about it to make sense of it, and learn from it maybe. But most of all, we honour the bad experience and allow it to pass through our lives, rather than refusing to let it go. There’s plenty in life to be thankful for and to live for, however “unfair” the past had been. Pay a shrink if you need to to talk it out of your system, and then please, please, let it go.

I learned this from my father. In my youth I used to rail angrily at him, “You made me do this…”, “You made me do that…” and “Because of all that, I did not stay in our hometown, work for Pullingers in Bishop Waltham and lead my dream life. I wasted precious years at university because of you!”

One day, he turned around and said calmly to me, “That maybe so. I may have screwed up your life. But you have the rest of your life to get on with.”

And for me, that was the best advice ever. YOU are the author of your life story.