Do you talk to your teens about sex?


A mother, Tanith Carey, recently posed as her 14-year-old daughter Lily to go on the teenage dating website called Yellow. This website was supposed to be the teenagers’ equivalent of the adult dating website, Tindr.

Within a very short time, she received requests from teenage boys, thinking that she was 14-year-old Lily, to send them nude photographs.  The messages soon became very explicit, with one boy mentioning suggestively that he was pleasuring himself.

You can read the article here.

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Worryingly, photographs of nude male torsos posted on Yellow did not look as if they belonged to teenage boys. So who are our children really talking to? And even if they are talking to their peers rather than pedophiles, should they be entering their first forays into their sexuality in such a demeaning and base manner?

What about sweet courtship, butterflies in the tummy and the exquisite anticipation?

What is happening in the teenage world is a spillover from the adult world. It is natural. The strata is porous. We are moving towards a norm where it is ‘alright’ to do so. I once knew a couple with one partner consenting to the other to have a separate bedroom to watch porn and to have an explicit profile on a dating website (“just to see”). As both are consenting adults who are under no misapprehension about the course their relationship was taking, it was all good (though one partner did invariably get terribly hurt).

Maybe we are moving towards a society where it will become norm to have a series of casual sexual relationships?


I am a strong believer that children should start their sexual journey conversant with the deep joy and fulfilment that comes with a loving, fully committed relationship, and to appreciate that the highs of sex is not to be found in its ins and outs (pun intended), but the emotions of the highest sharing. Incredible sexiness comes from watching one’s lover, touching his lips, smiling at him and truly knowing him inside out. Getting to know someone intimately is intensely sexy, to know their minds, hearts and souls, alongside the carnal knowledge.


This was what we impart to our children at the beginning of their sexual journey. Do you talk to yours about it?




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