When you first fall in love with someone, you see their shiny bits, the bits of them that sparkles so bright. You laugh, you drink wine, you kiss, and you tell yourself you are in love with the most wonderful person on this planet.  The whole world ceases to exist for you as your world now revolves around this person with gold bits in their eyes, in their smile, in their conversations. Even the sun seems less bright without the goldy person around.

You want more of the gold bits. Of course you do. You want to own the gold mine.

So you move in together, motivated by the shiny, sparkly gold bits you saw.

But the gold bits, they are entangled in something more complicated. Conditioning, defence mechanisms, childhood pain, past trauma, defective strategies, expectations. Everyday life when living tougher is definitely not a confetti of golden stardust but long grey road that stretches endlessly ahead. Dirty dishes, laundry to be put away, weekly shopping, long day at work.

But if you promise each other to hold each other’s hand tight, to always be kind, to never let go, then as you walk the road, you begin to see the gold pieces again. This time bigger and more real.

My partner says love comes when someone puts down what he/she is doing to fetch you the toilet paper when you’re caught short. That’s the real gold, he grins, down the toilet pan.

For love is a construction, not an emotion ❤

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