Recently, in the UK, I met up with a long-time friend I had lost touch with for years. She had married a well-to-do lawyer and immersed herself into looking after him, their children and their house. Her husband fell ill a few years ago and was seriously ill for a while.
I was shocked by how beaten she looked.
And I was even more shocked to hear that for years, her husband had abused her, mostly verbal. She dared not leave him, because though trained as a teacher she had not worked for years. Moreover, the children were still young. She especially could not leave him when he was ill.
Fortunately, the illness was an epiphany for her husband, who resented her for ‘trapping’ him. Upon his recovery, he decided to leave her, for a younger and racier woman. She was surplus to requirement, because their only child who’s at home turned 18 this year and is heading off to university – “I don’t have to put up with you anymore, I can start living now”, her husband said.
That was the best thing ever for my friend, though she is shell-shocked and is in a mess. For years, she had been told that she was old, boring and a waste of space. But you know, she got used to the abuse and believed that was the case. She was just so low in self-esteem.
I took her shopping for some new clothes and to the hairdresser – sad to say, she had let herself go. “What’s the point? I’m old,” she said sadly, though ironically, she is younger than me. That;’s me on our shopping trip:
We had fun that day, but it’s going to take time to build my friend up to her former self. My children’s father commented that she looked so defeated in her posture and her walk: slumped shoulders, hunched back, con caved chest, little granny steps. But the good news is, she has agreed to come to Phuket early next year.
A few days ago, I sent her this meme, and today, she is sitting out in my garden in London with me and another girl pal, laughing tentatively, slowly beginning to see light again, instead of obsessing about how to get back with her abuser. My girl pal fixed her up with a part time job in lodno, but it’s a start ❤
When the wrong people leave your life, good things begin to happen.