This is a common story about women. A woman falls in love, and when a woman is really in love, she is really in love. She believes in the best of her hero, even if he has feet of clay. She gives him everything, including her own identity. She holds nothing back for herself. She exists to serve him. She works so damn hard to earn one of his smiles. Sometimes, he doesn’t even notice her efforts. She forgives his cruelty in the hope that things will be better. But they never are. The years pass by. She lives, but only through him. All her energy has been spent on him. She doesn’t have much left for herself. And then, when he no longer needs her service, she is discarded, surplus to requirement. Sorry, true story. Over and over again.
I kissed my sleeping partner’s brow. “What for?” he asked sleepily. “Nothing,” I replied. My heart said silently, “Thank you for not betraying me.”
I met up, by accident, with an old friend when I was home in the UK. She is actually my friend’s wife, and I have not seen her in over 20 years.
I didn’t recognise her at first. I last saw her at her wedding, when she was a happy young bride clinging on to her prize. Her new husband was a lawyer with a bright future, a real prize for any girl.
When we met up again, she was almost embarrassed to face me, but something stronger within her compelled her to touch my arm. I could not place her in my memory until she reminded me who she was. My jaw dropped. Though she is younger than I, she had the sad, neglected and haunted look of someone who looked much older and who had given up on life.
She told me that as soon as their youngest child left home for university, her husband left too. He left her for a younger woman and a more exciting life.
She laughed bitterly. “I can understand why he did it though. Look at me!” Her body was lumpy and out of shape, her hair was grey and unkept, and her skin dry. She had stopped making an effort to look good for herself, because she had heard over the years that she was worthless, useless and a waste of space. Her husband’s words had weighed down on her shoulders, driving her to her knees.
As she had spent all her productive years looking after his home and bringing up children, she has no job and no money. I was aghast that she is not paid up on her National Insurance even! “I always let him look after things,” she said sadly. “I thought he would take care of me as I have of him.”
When he had a debilitating road accident, she nursed him back to health tirelessly. His verbal lashings and emotional abuse were at its worse then, but she sucked it up because he was her husband and he needed her.
And when he no longer needed her, he gave her the boot.
The biggest betrayal wasn’t in his actions, but in the years that he had robbed her soul and dimmed her light. She stopped becoming the person she was and morphed into his cruel prophesy.
It will take YEARS for her to see the beautiful woman that she truly is, so deep is her belief that she is a useless, ugly old hag. Tell a princess long enough that she is a slave and the princess will become a slave.
I took my friend shopping for a new wardrobe in charity shops (you’ll be surprised what great stuff you can find there!), signed her up for hot yoga, fixed her up with a part-time job and lent her a small capital to start a business. This is I, modelling a bolero from her new collection. Good luck, girl, for a better future. I stand with you ❤
Here are some beautiful words from ZenMindBodyLife to help you if you have been betrayed or if you have damaged someone who is undeserving of your harsh treatment: