After being off yoga during the summer, it was tough going back to the hot room for a 90 minute practice. I wasn’t enjoying my first few of classes at all: I felt claustrophobic, nauseous and dizzy. Whatever preparation I did, I still felt the same. Heyho, that’s how beginners feel!
It was tough to make myself go back each day; all sorts of feelings came up, including I hate yoga! Why should I do it? 15 minutes stretching on the beach before my run would be enough, right?
But I went back.
This is me after my class today – red-faced and elated! (main photo).
What does it mean? STICK AROUND! Feelings come and go, but the decision remains through the fluctuations.
Almost all spiritual practices and surprisingly, theoretical physics too, teach us that the world is impermanent, and along with it, all things that are of this world are impermanent. Things, like our feelings, flow and ebb with the tide. But the lesson to learn for spiritual growth and self-realisation is to be able to observe these passing feelings without reaction or judgement, and to let them go.
Feelings are like the tides of the sea, coming in and going out, but our decisions behind important life’s choices are the bedrock that holds steadfast on the sea bed. For example, my youngest daughter and I disagree on many things, and at times, I feel like strangling her, but at other times, when she gets into bed with me for a cuddle or sends me a text in the middle of the school day, I feel love exploding in my head like a thousand stars. Not many things give me the high she does with her signature expressions of love.
Ditto our adult relationships. I think it is impossible to find a couple who is always on a high with each other, staring into each other’s eyes only, madly in love every day of their lives, and never yelling, disagreeing, feeling annoyed, wanting to give up. I find it very challenging being with my partner in the UK – our home country – where our differences become magnified…and perhaps also, I take his comments about my country too personally.
But we are walking on the beach now, in the last of the monsoon rain before high season comes, and feeling rather in love with each other.
“Lucky I didn’t dump you a few weeks ago,” I commented affectionately.
“What do you mean, Tub? I almost dumped you!”
“You wanted to dump me?” I asked, incredulous. “Where, when, why? What did I do?”
“St John’s Wood, August 13th, Sunday morning,” he retorted. “At approximately 10am.”
So, like the tides of the sea, feelings do come and go and all you are left with is the decision you have made …. and the good times ahead. Psst, I am not dreading going to hot yoga anymore, that awful feeling has passed!