A woman sitting at home, alone, on her 32nd birthday. Her partner of 5 years texts her and tells her that he is going for an “innocent” drink with his dancing partner (at 10pm). When she raises objections about his behaviour in the last three weeks, leading her to question his faithfulness, he called her a psycho, a nut, mental.
A few days later, photographs of the errant boyfriend were in newspapers, passionately kissing his dancing partner, who was flirting outrageously at him for the whole world to see, uncaring of the hurt she (and he) was causing. Both the boyfriend and his dancing partner apologised publicly for their behaviour.
That is emotional abuse. The cheating is almost secondary.
Today the woman in question, Rebecca Humphries, issued this powerful statement:
“Hello there, My name is Rebecca Humphries and I am not a victim.
I wasn’t sure whether to respond to events from the past week, but I feel the narrative has missed a couple of crucial elements that I would like to clear up.
It’s incredibly good of Sean(n) and Katya to apologise in the media. I have received nothing. other than the support of my family, friends, and a host of strangers on the internet who all wanted to make sure I was OK.
What I have also kindly received are many offers to sell my side of the story, but I would prefer for it to be on my own terms.
“Those pictures were taken on October 3, it was my birthday. I was alone at home when Sean texted at 10pm saying the two of them were going for one innocent drink.
We spoke, and I told him, not for the first time, that his actions over the past three weeks had led me to believe something inappropriate was going on.
He aggressively and repeatedly called me a psycho/nuts/mental. As he has done countless times throughout our relationship when I’ve questioned his inappropriate, hurtful behaviour.
But – this whole business has served to remind me that I am a strong, capable person who is now free: and no victim.
I have a voice and will use it by saying this to any woman out there who deep down feels worthless and trapped with a man they love: Believe in yourself and your instincts.
It’s more than lying. It’s controlling. Tell some very close friends who, if they’re anything like my wonderful network, will swoop in and take care of the logistics and of you.
It’s important also to recognise that in these situations those who hold power over you are insecure and fragile and the need for control comes from a place of vulnerability. I think it certainly does in Sean’s case.
Despite everything I hope he gets what he wants from this. I’m not sorry I took the cat, though.”
Emotional abuse is every bit as damaging and destroying as physical abuse or sexual abuse. Its effects are every bit as devastating.The abusers are seemingly ordinary people, successful even. The scars are invisible, but they are there nonetheless, inside, hurting. And so very difficult to heal…especially when they’re inflicted by the one you love and the one you live with. You get dismantled bit by bit, until you have no self-esteem left.
Nothing the abuser gives you (home, promise of a future, etc) is ever worth the damage they are doing to you. So if someone makes you feel worthless, insecure, anxious, unhappy, then consider leaving. You will find support somehow. Because emotional abuse is never OK.